THIRTY — What Is All The Fuss About?
by Anna Nordstrøm Thune Olsen
We have reached autumn. My absolutely favourite season of them all. We are in for some, chilling, cold and sunny mornings with degrees near the freezing point. Walking out in the forest almost feels like being transferred to one of Frederic Edwin Church’s (1826–1900) famously painted landscapes, surrounded by trees in orange, red and yellow colours. At home there might be a lovely smell of cinnamon buns and pumpkin spiced soup. The fireplace is heating up the house, while we are putting on our favourite knitwear and cosying up under warm blankets, with a good book, candle light and a hot cup of tea. We are now in October — my birthday month. And today is Tuesday the 13th, which means it is now thirty years ago I entered this world in 1990. I have now reached the big 3.0. But how do I actually feel about approaching thirty, and what do I expect from this milestone?
First of all, how did time suddenly fly by this fast? Was it really that long ago I was born, took my first steps and spoke my first words? Had my first day of primary school, started practicing music, and graduated from high school and university? How did I already reach thirty? I think it is time to take stock of my life, and consider where I want to go next.
I am single and living on my own in a two-room apartment. An apartment that consists of a narrow entrance, a good size kitchen, a very small bathroom, an artistic living room and a relaxing bedroom. I am unemployed, looking for new opportunities and working on my own smaller projects. My dating life is non-existing. Well, the honest truth is that I have simply not gotten around the whole Tinder thing yet. Some of my friends are starting to have children, getting engaged, landing their dream jobs, dating, studying and travelling (at least before Covid-19 happened).
So, this is where I am at. In a situation that does not match up with the narrative created by society of what thirty should look like. I do not have a job, an established relationship, children or a concrete plan of my next goal. However, I am trying to find my footing again, while rethinking my own existence in the world.
But, I must be honest and say, just like Emma Watson recently noted in an interview with British Vogue, I have been questioning “why does everyone make such a big fuss about turning 30?” (Emma Watson, British Vogue April 2020). Why does it seem like such a big deal? I guess it comes down to the fact that for many people, especially women, there are still a lot of socially constructed narratives attached to this age. We might feel we should have our lives planned out, found a partner to live with, having a job that makes us happy, a huge network of people, and if we are not already having children we should at least start thinking about them. I mean, I do not know about you but I have gotten the whole children question a lot lately. Not to mention all the times it has been brought up during my twenties. And it is a stressfactor.
Therefore, I am pretty sure I am not the only one that has been feeling the pressure and anxiety of approaching the age of thirty. Personally, I felt the anxiety getting bigger and bigger in my late twenties, so much that it almost took over every thought going on in my head. Many of us for instance use our twenties to try out all kind of things, and it is no secret that these years also feels like a total whirlwind of emotions. And at the same time we are trying to figure out who we are and where we want to go. So, if you have not figured these things out by the time you reach the big 3.0, you might feel like a failure and that is when the anxiety comes on crawling. We all live different lives and take different paths, why I feel this socially constructed narrative is frustrating and stressful. Especially when it does not have to be this way. Because as I said, we all take on different roads in life.
Another reason to why I have felt the pressure of approaching thirty has to do with the fact I am now up for yearly check-ups at the hospital. My mom died of ovarian cancer back in 2018, and we discovered that she carried a genetic abnormal gene mutation. A so-called cancer gene. After she died, I went to get a blood test, and a few weeks later an email popped up. You HAVE the abnormal BRCA1 gene mutation. This basically means I have a higher risk for developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer. So, now when I have reached thirty, I have to go to get checked out each year. I have to confront my fear with hospitals, and get a yearly reminder of what I am missing, and what I might be in for during my lifetime on this earth. As well as I am being recommended to get my ovaries and fallopian tube removed between the age of thirty-five and forty. THIRTY-FIVE AND FORTY? DID I HEAR CORRECTLY? YIKES! I AM ALREADY FREAKING OUT. So, you might not be surprised that this only adds to the already existing pressure of getting older, and to the consideration if I should have children or not. Especially when you are still being single, and have no one to share this with. Suddenly there are other factors I need to consider, and an extra clock that has started ticking. I am not going into more details with this right now, but I wanted to point out another thing I have to be aware of going forward.
How to celebrate?
Due to the pandemic, this year has felt different in several ways. At the beginning of the year I had an idea of how I wanted to spend my last months in my twenties, an idea of how I wanted to celebrate. But then we had a lockdown, and a lot of plans had to change. So I started to reflect upon what I have learned in life so far, especially after my mom passed away. Through reflection and realisation I have learned that life should not feel like a race, because everyone takes it in their own pace. I have learned I just have to breathe, take it slow and follow my heart instead of worrying so much about everything. I am also trying to appreciate the small things in life, and I am slowly coming to the realisation that writhing is actually a talent of mine, something that I need to dive deeper into. I know that I need to stop trying to force things to happen, and instead accept everything happens for a reason at the time they are meant to. The perfect time never comes, why I have decided I will work on following my dreams and trust my gut, despite what other people might think. So, even though I do not fit into the box of the socially constructed narrative, and even though I do not feel any different being in the shoes of a thirty year old, I do feel more comfortable in my own skin. I will still go dancing like I do not have a care in the world and I will still worry like crazy and have self-doubt. Just like I will still spend time with my friends and get drunk on wine on a normal Tuesday night. But mostly, I will keep on evolving as a person, learn from my mistakes and keep on dreaming.
There are multiple feelings connected to my birthday, and ever since 2018 a big and important part of the puzzle has been missing. I miss my mom a lot on days like this, but I have promised some of my closest friends that this year is time for celebration. With the pandemic still being a reality, I will not throw a big party, which in a way fits for me perfectly. However, I do want to celebrate the fact that I am happy, I have the greatest and most caring friends and family, and I am just starting to figure out my own journey in this life. So I thought, what better way to celebrate me turning the big 3.0 than with a little bit of music? I have always had a huge interest in playing-, listening-, discovering-, discussing- and analysing music. As well as experiencing live music, whether that being at a festival, an intimate concert or through musical theatre. As you might have guessed, I am truly addicted to this artform, and I could simply not live without my daily fix of a rhythm going through my veins.
So to celebrate my birthday this year, I have created a playlist perfect for the occasion. A playlist consisting of thirty songs by thirty different artists, where each song is chosen carefully to create a positive feeling.
The playlist is constructed by songs from some of my favourite artists, songs that make me happy and make me want to dance. If you take an extra look you might see that I have tried to create a story, because I simply love storytelling. The songs create a story about growth, going on a journey and celebrates life, friendship and love. The playlist consists of the following songs, and you will find a link to it here (Celebration Playlist).
CELEBRATING TURNING THIRTY (2020)
1. Like a River Runs, Bleachers
2. Don’t Kill My Vibe, Elle Fanning
3. Brave, Sara Bareilles
4. How Far I’ll Go, Auli´i Cravalho
5. Follow Your Fire, Kodaline
6. I Am Here, P!nk
7. Forever’s Gotta Start Somewhere, Chad Brownlee
8. Cut To The Feeling, Carly Rae Jepsen
9. Gypsy, Lady Gaga
10. If You’re Over Me, Years & Years
11. Waiting for You, Alexander Jean
12. Someone To You, BANNERS
13. Your Song, Rita Ora
14. I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Whitney Houston
15. I Don’t Care (Acoustic), Ed Sheeran
16. Best Fake Smile, James Bay
17. Champagne Night (From Songland), Lady A
18. Raise the Roof, Julia Murney, The Wild Party Ensemble
19. Guilty, The Shires
20. Love on Display, Guy Sebastian
21. Friends In The Corner, Foxes
22. On Your Side, The Veronicas
23. Sitting On Top Of The World (Acoustic), Delta Goodrem
24. I Might, Tom Grennan
25. London Boy, Taylor Swift
26. Let’s Fall in Love for the Night, FINNEAS
27. RAIN, Ben Platt
28. Hollywood Hills, Sunrise Avenue
29. A Song to the Sea (Jericho Beach), Jonah Blacksmith
30. Death Stranding, CHVRCHES
Approaching thirty does not seem as scary anymore. I have not reached my dreams yet, but I feel like I am just getting started to find my own path. And as some clever people have said, it is never too late, you are never too old to discover a new dream and reaching your goals. I know that there will still be those uphill battles along the way, but I am trying to accept that everything — good or bad — are all part of the journey. I love to be creative, especially with words. I simply love to write. Therefore, to end this little piece of writing, I have created a poem called “A Poem of Thirty Song Titles”. The poem is constructed by using all the words from the song titles I have chosen for my celebration playlist. So, I hope you will enjoy this little story told within the poem, I hope you enjoy the music and I hope you will raise your glass to no more sad songs. Cheers to reaching the big 3.0, cheers to follow your own path in life, and cheers to all of you lovely readers.
A Poem of Thirty Song Titles
I am here, feeling brave.
Don’t kill my vibe.
Someone who loves a champagne night?
Guilty.
Your song on display.
I wanna dance like a gypsy in the rain.
If you don’t care, best friends? Smile.
Let’s raise the roof over the night.
You’re Sitting, waiting for somebody to cut your fake side.
Me?
I might fall in love with you, London boy.
For me, forever’s gotta start somewhere.
How river runs.
Follow your song on fire to Jericho Beach.
I’ll go far to Hollywood Hills.
Death stranding on the corner of the world.
I love the sea.